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Name: Tessa


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Member Since: 5/21/2007

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Sunday, November 08, 2009

i am not who i am

to fall asleep
was hardly possible
at 2:45 in the morning.

i regretted like i'd never regretted before   because   i had really never regretted before       at all.       i acted   differently   than i would like to have acted   but i was too      aware     of strangers     of you (though i hate to admit)     of me     of teachers     of sisters    of body language all around
and when i get nervous   volume erupts from me            and bad jokes                    and accidental insults  i'm always too loud.
i hate to be that person   the one i was last night     aware of all around me     i am not one to seek and impress   i just                         hated                         thinking that you would feel superior than i   when you saw          if you did          how i ran out the door          grasped onto the inconsequential railing          couldn't feel my finger tips      the face i made   when i couldn't get past you   brushed your shoulder    wanted to disappear   like i tried to      beneath     my quilt      hidden          at 2:45 this morning.


Saturday, November 07, 2009

you call me tessa

i guess you never really had me.
you just had the impulses of a kiss
on a hand
a neck
a cheek
a lip
all at the wrong time.

there has never been a right time for us.
we've shared gaps of time together
we've accidentally loved
all when we weren't supposed to.

which is why now
that we seem to be
finally in the same universe
i am afraid.

are we supposed to love
freely?
when we've only loved
restrained?


Sunday, November 01, 2009

ghosts

I don't ever know what I'm doing, when I'm alone with you.
I don't ever know what you're doing, when you're alone with me, too.
Instead of going out to the parade,
we sit in my room, our fingers brocade.
Until the machine falls and we go askew
I can't help but sit here, all alone, with you.


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

i just woke up from a nap
oh my!
and i had this dream that you came over to my house to hang out
I wondered what you were doing up at 5:14 AM
and i completed ignored you and just went to sleep
ha, how nice!
i don't know why
ahahhaha
I always try to avoid napping
because it screws up my sleep schedule
i don't do it very often
but today i was just feeling icky and thought sleep would help
it did
that's good!
I remember you feeling icky this week
speaking of which
nvm
okay
oh hey i have something to tell you
oh, hit me!
I mean
tell me
nvm
eat a butt
grody
adam grody
i have an attraction to adam brody
probably because he's jewish
anyway
nvm
okay, whatever
I have something more important to talk about anyway
you know Hannah Callahan?
no
!!!
are you sure?
just kidding!
oh, okay.
good
okay, so Hannah Callahan
oh, and do you know who Jake Lee is?
it isn't a typo
yeah ive heard of him
good!
okay
so
yesterday
nvm
i recognize that tree.
huh?
you know when people in movies are lost
and they say "we're going in circles!" and all that
you know when people tell jokes
and they always recognize a tree
ahahhaahahahahah
ahahahah
haa
oh, that's actually really funny!


Monday, October 26, 2009

i must be a robot

i was told about these re
lapses.
ignored.
i couldn't think they would hap
pen.
but here i am.
incredulous
that two people who make faces
could ever
apart.
not sad.
no lo
ve.
a logical misunderstanding of the emotional advances of the brain,
confusion surrounding the time that
lapses.




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